Harry Potter and the Stevens Stone
by skiTTLzLiBBy
Summary: In my parody Harry finds himself in a hilarious twisted version of Harry Potter. Including character such as the Fanta commercial girls and the house names are really screwed up and funny. READ THIS!! It will make you laugh so hard you cry!


I dont claim any of the Harry Potter characters, except the very few that I sometimes make up. LoL. J.K. Rowling gets all the fun for it. I just made this story for laughs. The person that really inspired me was Silver Phoenix. Thanks! I changed a bit, or maybe a ton, or the story. But keep laughing, and as you breathe, remember, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!  
  
This story will eventually seem very ill written and... nastay.. but come on.. All for fun!! *winks*  
  
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Harry Potter was a regular average and stupid boy. His average of grades were F's and D's, and his teachers left school because of his ignorance, and well, we shall get straight to the point- HE WAS NOT AVERAGE. I lied. The one thing that sets Mr. Potter from the rest is his amazing Lightning Bolt shaped scar in the middle of his forehead. His aunt and uncle, whom he lived with, had told him it was from an elephant incident in Florida, which made it very easy to believe.   
  
One AVERAGE morning Harry walked downstairs to the fresh smell of his Aunt Petunia's cooking.   
  
"La la la, la la de de de da, I am cooking in the morning, I am cooking in the evening. I am cooking every TIIMEEE!!" Aunt Petunia's voice sang out shrilly.   
  
Harry covered his ears. Every morning was like a musical. Suddenly Uncle Vernon came storming in with a bunch of teenage ladies singing.  
  
"Don't you wanna wanna! Dont you wanna wanna, a Fanta!! Do you wanna Fanta?!"   
  
Aunt Petunia just glanced at him, but suddenly a bunch of red sealed envelopes fell on the teen age girl's head. She shook her blonde hair, and chucked the letter at Harry. Harry was busy chowing down on a mallomar cookie, and started to choke irritably.   
  
"Could I open this?" Harry asked coughing.  
  
"Sure, just stay out of my room for the night," Uncle Vernon advised, and a chorus or girls giggling could be heard.  
  
"No, he may not open it!" Aunt Petunia sang.   
  
"Let the boy open the freakin' card, he never gets mail!" Vernon argued.   
  
"No, I will not tolerate, it! Harry is to march into his cupboard, and not come out until tonight!" Petunia yelled to some Faith Hill melody.   
  
"Whatever, come on ladies," Vernon grumbled.   
  
Harry solemnly walked into his cupboard under the sink. There were many terantula's from Dudly's science project last month. They slept with Harry. Harry named them Faye, Anna, Rosie, and Anais. Rosie was climbing up Harry's arm, and told him that they needed to go to a concert. So they left, and Harry was alone. Harry was almost always alone.  
  
Hours later Harry was violently awaken by a very skinny boy. It was his cousin Dudly.   
  
"Wake up! Wake up! It's time for dinner!" Said Harry's all-star track runner cousin.  
  
"Alright," Harry stared.  
  
Harry always had noticed that Dudly was a lot skinnier and cooler than he was. Harry was just a big blob of nothing. Maybe some fat and cookies. Dudly made Harry look like an idiot at school with his personal appearance. Dudly was popular, and Harry was, well, not.  
  
The two walked into the kitchen. They smelled the aroma of cheese. Right.   
  
"Hey Tony I like the things you do! Hey Tony, if I could I would be you! You're the one and only tiger, with the one and only taste, you know how to make a breakfast, GRRRREAT!! Frosted Flakes are more than good they're great!" Aunt Petunia danced kicking her legs up in the air holding a frying pan.  
  
Uncle Vernon came in doing the electric slide, when he bumped into his wife. He was smiling broadly, and singing the Fanta song.   
  
"Do watch where you are going dear! We are having cheese for dinner. Yum!" Aunt Petunia giggled licking her lips. Then she went away singing an opera.   
  
At the hour of 6:30 they all sat down for a peaceful dinner of, hem, hem, cheese. Fried cheese, roasted cheese, microwaveable cheese. You name it.   
  
"Neeeeearrr!!!!! FAAAAAAAAARRR!!! WHERRRRRRRREeeee EEEEVVVVVEEERRR YOUUUUUU AREEEEEE!!!!"  
  
Harry was about to take a bite of some barbequed cheese when the window shattered. Dudly looked up from his "Fitness Today" magazine and curiously took a bite of chicken cheese. Vernon went on salting the cheese with broken bits of glass.   
  
"I KKKNNNNNNOOOOOWWWWW THHHHHAAAATTTT MYYYYY HEEEEEEEART WILL GOOOO ONN!!!"   
  
At once the front glass door split in too, and Dudly's glass cup shattered into thousands of pieces. The Dursleys and the Potter heard a sickening thud, and all at once thousands of letters with the same red seal on them came flying in the broken window and door, and through the fireplace. Aunt Petunia shrieked, and Dudly took his roller blades and scooted out the open door. Harry took for cover underneath the kitchen table.   
  
"Oh Mamma Mia, Pappa Pia, would you like some pizzaria? Some a'mora pizza!?!" Aunt Petunia sang out loud, and more glass shattered, and thousands of letters were strewn in.   
  
"THAT'S IT! WERE GOING AWAY! FAR AWAY!" Uncle Vernon bellowed.   
  
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Well that was a chapter start for a real good story, haha. I like the Fanta song.. doo doo do do doo! But what happened to the Fanta girls? Did they disappear? I had an idea where they would be in the end of the story. LOL. And they have a surprise for you!!! Some people might be confused by the whoel Dudly being skinnier thing, but they get used to it. Cia! 


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